“Where do I really belong?” has always been a question and a reason for my restless heart.
As a child, I remember I had enough time to spend in my land and home. I never expected that a simple moment created at home would become the backdrop for some of the most beautiful moments of my life. In my childhood days, I barely went far from home. Though our cousins had good furniture, television, and a good place where everyone would love to go and live, I was stubborn. Ultimately it was home that I wanted at the end of the day. I remember, once I cried the entire day at my aunt’s house who loved playing with me and took me to her place. Things were not like today –we had very few toys made of pipes and woods. We didn’t even know about phones back then. Pipe Gari zuk boo lya (make a pipe wheel toy), we used to tell our parents and elders. Land and home have always been in my heart, a place where we laughed, cried, enjoyed, grew up, and created unforgettable memories of life.
As I grew up, I had to travel and experience different places and relationships of society. I came to realise that home was not just a physical location where we live but it gives us a feeling of comfort, connection, acceptance, and belongingness. Just like my elders and friends I had to go far from home for higher education. I had no choice but to leave. How hard it is to accept one’s need to spend years outside to support the home he/she loved the most? In the process we only get a few days’ time to spend in our home. Sometimes, I feel like going back home and spend my time recalling our childhood memories. Many of the people who have moved from one place to another will surely relate to this feeling, “Where do I really belong”?
One evening, I got a call from my mother as she said, “Kayu sa lee aun lyang ray bu non shet ma” (Our home and our land will be lost). The shivering low voice of my mother made me burst into tears. It was a bittersweet moment for us. I realized that the place I always considered as my home and a place where I belong might soon be lost. Her voice murmured Lee ka malak ka dee ah (come home soon).
I decided to visit my home. Every household was given a number. Our house too had a big number 28 painted on the wall. The universal truth that there are two sides to a coin has rung true for development as well. Our land was being developed. We had to part with our land for the development project which was led by the central Government of India. The Bharatmala Pariyojana was being brought to develop road connectivity to Border areas, development of Coastal roads including road connectivity for non-major ports, improvement in the efficiency of National Corridors, development of Economic Corridors, Inter Corridors and Feeder Routes along with integration with Sagarmala, etc., under Ministry of Road and Highways. Their objectives have little or no meaning to the locals. People are instead worried about their land, house, money and displacement.
One of my cousins who had managed to get land and build a house was wandering how, when, and where his family would shift. On the other side, people with more land seemed happy to be compensated and were ready to give their lands. It is a deeply personal decision that varies from person to person. However, it is not always easy to leave behind cherished memories. If not for others, it is difficult for me. We do not share same history, feelings and future but leaving land happily for some moneys is something which will always haunt me. It gives me goosebumps thinking how people can be happy selling their land, memories and love for money. Maybe, they wanted a better economic opportunity, better family, or to escape difficult circumstances.
As for our family, my sister was planning to renovate the kitchen, add some good furniture, for which she even borrowed money and bought materials that were required. Now, I see them in godowns, and in fields outside. Some dreams are never meant to be fulfilled. I think we need to accept that and move on.
Few days earlier, I read an article about Bharat Mala Highway project which focused on expanding border roads. I asked myself, as an educated youth, what should be my stand? Should I support the government for better border roads or should I leave my ancestral land, leave all our memories behind to be replaced by border roads? It is not that the government will not provide us subsidies but there are some things that are priceless. Our childhood, memories, love, and ancestral land. Now whenever I think about the situation, I realise we were never given a choice, but it was a government notice that came and indirectly forced us to surrender our love, land, and memories. A wave of nostalgia washed over me, and I remembered few articles about Narmada Bachoa Andalon we had read for class. I felt the same. It was my home and land I always thought I belong to but with the looming development for better roadsand our land being taken away, Where do I really belong now?
Yogel Lepcha